Thai woman shocked by forward farang husband

Nittawat, a Thai schoolteacher and business woman from Udon Thani married her UK husband Frank in June 2004. She met him online on a Thai dating site after three months of intensive internet dating.

She had just divorced her Thai husband whom she had lived with for seven years. She had always looked down and even despised Thai women who married for farang and was shocked when after her divorce she found it so hard to begin a new relationship with a Thai man. 'I am a Thai woman. When I was younger I would say I did not like very much the idea of Thai women marrying farang. But when my marriage to my Thai husband did not work, my friends told me that I should marry a farang because I am a very definite woman. You see I could not accept my Thai husband having a new wife.'

Nittawat's husband, also a school teacher began an affair with a younger school teacher three years before their divorce. 'I tried to live with it but he began to spend less time with me and my children and when his new wife started to come to my home, I got very angry,' She says. After an emotional confrontation, she decided to sue for divorce.

In the months that followed Nittiwat felt very isolated and in despair. 'I felt I was no good and I could not even take care of my children because I was so unhappy. My business started to fail and the banks were going to call in my loan. Nittiwat had been a teacher before opening up her own tourist resort just after marrying her Thai husband with a very large commercial loan. 'Then I decided to find a farang husband.'

Nittiwat advises any Thai woman interested in finding a farang partner that they should resolve to be proud of their Thai culture. 'I think farang like Thai women because of our culture even where this is different to theirs,' she says.

Nittiwat lists the key differences between a Farang husband and a Thai husband

• Farang men like to talk and explain what they are thinking. 'I met my old husband last year to sign a document and he could not talk to me. I could tell he was sad but he could not talk. I feel sorry for Thai men that cannot explain what they are thinking. But sometimes this is a good thing. Sometimes I get fed up also with people that talk too much. I prefer to do. But I now know that this is one reason why my relationship with my new husband is so good. I can understand him.
• Farang men do not like lies even small lies. 'For Farang everything must be right and up front. My husband gets impatient if he cannot understand everything. In Thai culture sometimes we do not say everything.'
• Farang men are more faithful. 'All men are men and like to look at beautiful women even sexy women but I think farang culture is better about this.'
• Farang family is harder than Thai: 'In some Farang families everyone must take care of themselves. But I think good farang families are also like Thai families where everybody tries to help each other. I know many farang friends though my husband and even though farang countries have so much help from their government, I think Thai culture is warmer.'

Culture difference key to Thai Farang relationships

Nittawat feels that there is big difference between Thai and farang culture. Her advice for Thai women is to learn about farang culture but remember always that they are Thai. 'If a Thai girl or women wants to have a real relationship with a farang guy, she must learn about his culture but also she must have a pride in her own culture, there are the good guys out there and bad guy, it doesn't matter whether they are Thai or Farang.

Nittiwat and her husband have formed a partnership in more ways than one and now make a lucrative business out of foreign visitors to Thailand. 'I own a resort in Northeast Thailand. Now we have a company and my Farang husband from England is also my business partner. I would say Thai men and farang men are quite different but it is more important for a Thai woman to remember that she is a Thai woman. I have a Farang husband but in my heart I am always a Thai woman.'

However Nittiwat feels that times are changing in Thailand and the culture gap is diminishing as well as attitudes to Thai farang relationships not least her own. 'When I was younger I would say I did not like very much the idea of Thai women marrying farang. But when my marriage to my Thai husband did not work, my friends told me that I should marry a farang. You see I could not accept my Thai husband having a new wife.' Nittiwat says more and more Thai women are tuning in to western culture and are demanding a faithful relationship.

Thai woman must know more before finding foreign partners

Nittiwat believes that Thai women must learn more about farang culture from the internet, magazines, TV and most importantly from meeting foreigners. 'I have lived with my farang husband for eight years and I know many things now about farang, some good and some not so good. I know that many Thai women do not know enough particularly women from the North east. I am a lucky woman to meet a good man but there is so much I did not know before I met my new husband.'

Nittiwat says that after living with her new husband on their honeymoon, she had already changed her mind and wanted to go home. 'I was shocked that foreign men are so different and more forward. I phoned my step mother and told her I wanted to go home. She told me to be patient and I was lucky she had given me a long letter on how to be a good wife before I went on my honeymoon with my new husband. I remember after this I told my husband about my feelings and he was so good.'

Final verdict on Thai women dating a foreigner or farang.

There are many stories about farang guys and many Thai women wonder what is the difference between a Thai guy and a farang guy? Nittiwat says: 'It is a big difference but it can be good. I think it is ok only if people talk and listen to each other and can be themselves.'